-
Posts
-
Balls or Guts?
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each is listed below…GUTS – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both
ultimately result in death.One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”
The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DLV to apply for a driver’s license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’“Can you read this?” the optician asked.
“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”
**************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
“I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.”
“Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”
**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
***************************************************
I’d say balls.
But i’m single so I can rub me chubbs at any time innocently. :lol:
But yes, I like me balls :twisted::lol: :lol: :lol:
LOL :D
:lol:
:D some excellent jokes there Mary J. :P
Get involved in this discussion! Log in or register now to have your say!