Amazing New Perfume for MEN!

I have had a wonderful idea. A wonderful idea that will revolutionise the world for all mankind. I have decided to invent a perfume just for men that will make all the lovely ladies in the world all excited. They will all get so excited that they will come up to you in supermarkets and take all their clothes off and start dancing seductively all around you like the ladies on Tales of the Unexpected.

I have been working on this idea for quite some time but I didn’t want to reveal the idea in case some rotten person stole it from me like they did when I came up with the idea for the anti-fat pills. I am nearing completion of my SECRET RECIPE. Of course, because it is SECRET, I can’t tell you exactly what it contains but suffice to say it contains elements of all of the things that EXCITE WOMEN in this modern day. I suppose it is not giving too much away if I tell you the main ingredients are Fairy Liquid, Mr Muscle, Harmony hair spray and ground-up Cadbury’s Flake as, without the SECRET INGREDIENT, the perfume will be useless.

I’ve not perfected the mix yet but I am well on the way. I just need to get the percentages of each element exactly right otherwise it will be TOO POWERFUL and will attract too many women such that the streets will be blocked and cause a nuisance. I am nearly there though. I have had to go to the very bottom of my garden late at night to test the mix so that it doesn’t attract media attention. I tried it out last week and it attracted next door’s alsation. It was certainly excited by my perfume. I had to beat it with a rolled up newspaper to stop it rubbing itself violently against my leg. Just imagine the effect it will have on lovely ladies of the human kind.

I should think the final product will sell for over ONE HUNDRED POUNDS per bottle. You will only need to put a small spot of the perfume onto your nose and all the lovely ladies within a 25 yard radius will immediately be drawn towards you in an erotic manner. All the lovely ladies in the supermarket will abandon their trolleys and rush towards you, frothing at the mouth and moaning sexy moans. Of course, it will have to be sold in a dark glass bottle as the mixture looks absolutely disgusting! I should think the very sight of it on a man’s nose would be enough to put most women off the idea of erotic nude dancing altogether.

I suppose I had better start thinking of a name for my perfume. So far, all I have is SECRET experimental code names like ‘Batch 1’, ‘Brownstuff 2’ and so on. The latest version I have called ‘Down Rover!’ but I think I will need to come up with some exotic French name if I am to get the people at Boots interested.

I hope the people at Boots can do something about the disgusting appearance of Down Rover! It would be dreadful if all the men in the world had to just carry-on staring at all the lovely ladies in supermarkets without being able to rub up against them.