A Stranger in Paradise (it’s stranger in paradise)

@langstraat wrote:

Well,

I joined this slower/ more manageable site after joining chat room 3 that’s for the over fifties for those who haven’t ventured that far yet. I freely admit to being a novice of such things but after hearing mention of Chatrooms several times and incidents resulting from such Chatroom usage decided to give it a go; well I would wouldn’t I? Well it didn’t take long for me to see the error of my choice. I logged on and watched for a while trying to get the gist of the proceedings but because what you see doesn’t predate your visit its easy to make mistakes and wade in a light hearted funny way when everyone else is commiserating with the loss of a loved one. After a few of those foopahs I started to get a reputation from the regulars who always seemed to be on when I was. I tried to keep up with the group but even this forum for the over 50 beat me time and again with their responses it was like playing snap with a stutterer. I often had a witty reposte but by the time I’d found where the L was they had moved on I accept that the size of my hands covers almost 50% of the keys when looking for the H or G but when I move then apart to get a better shot the keyboard takes on a widescreen effect with my new glasses resulting in me frantically looking for the Q or P before making a stab at it. By the time I had composed and typed my witty and cutting reply the forum had moved on no matter what degree of urgency controlled my efforts leaving my additions scattered with my form of slpelling
By the time the corrrections were done I was founr sentences behind. I persevered as only a lad with a comprehensive school background could and got much enjoyment from my efforts. Some members even LOLed me, which I understood to mean Lots of love a truly wonderful sentiment directed at one so new.
This of couse was the forerunner of other abbreviations (I wonder why that is such a long word)? anyway, I soon had lots of little boxes pop-up from other posters asking me ASL? And S&M+B I think its something to do with their hobbies, I think. I had many welcome me by asking M/F? Which my daughter told me means Male or Female well when that comes on a usually say “I’ll ask me Mom” which I thought was funny even though I have to give the same answer many times a session.
So you can see why I joined this forum which I hold in high esteem under the guidance of the site monitors (did I mention I was an Ink monitor at school) not that I’m saying it would help me here. But…

Well this morning I logged in and had a reasonable session maybe because the others had taken their medication I stood a better chance, after about ten minutes I was keeping up only four lines back in perfect time with the other slow readers.

A guy came on and asked,

“I’ve broken my Ray bans do you think I could get the lens replaced?

The question went un-answered for a few lines before I posted

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah turquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah turquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

Yes.

A few lines later he said

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah turquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah turquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah
Where should I get them repaired?

Well I thought if you’re bright enough to have a pair of Ray-ban you should no to go to an Optician, so with a modicum of sarcasms I said

Send them to me.

You get the picture now a few unrelated sentences later he came back

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

“You can fix glasses, these are expensive you know?”

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah
I said

I have a special tool kit, well not exactly a toolkit it’s a pair of pliers

With that he seemed to have a fit, more so when I said

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah turquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

I also have a new vice as well;

If you had been there I’m sure you would have enjoyed it as much as me.

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

I asked

How many pieces is the lens in

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

He said

Two

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

I said

Have you tried an elastoplast?

He left the room in a huff I don’t know why I was only trying to help.

Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah Blah blah blah blah S&M blam sweety blah get you blah blah torquoise blah Sandy blah Samson blah

So you see I’ve left a mark in the chatroom made a few acquaintances and made arrangement to meet up with a bunch of “Swinging adults who said they would show me around and teach me stuff. What a smashing site this is turning out to be can’t wait till “Sandy” will enlighten me. I’m almost as excited as him thinking about the weekend so there it is;
I think my whole world is about to change and it’s all down to ‘JustChat’.

Kindest regards,

Langstraat

LOL langstraat keep trying hun they aint that bad , my advice is just go in and be urself they will soon take to you xxxx I will say hello if I am in there when you are hun xxx hugsters xxxx

@pats wrote:

@bat wrote:

@forumhostpb wrote:

I really don’t want to delete it Langstraat … frankly it’s a classic of its kind. It ought to stay.

Anyway I’m delighted that you got on so well in that den of iniquity (Forum 3) and that the resident females let you get out of there with your clothes on – they’re a rough load of old slappers in there y’know.

Now PB thats not nice..you musnt talk about poor PATS like that. :wink: :wink: :lol:
(hides in her belfrey from pats) :wink:

yeh ye best bleddy hide batty. cum to 40;s anytime laangstrat i’ll introduce ye to the delights of my cupboard. :wink:

Nooooooooo Langstraat dont go in PATS cupboard!! Catty went in there once and she didnt come out for weeks!! :shock: :shock: Screams are frequently heard, and the worst thing of all is..Chess is on door duty!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

@langstraat wrote:

Bat,

It’s very kind of you to show concern for my welfare. I wouldn’t wish for you to worry too much for my well being but whilst Mr Cuddles is there to watch over me I feel he will watch over and guide my progress through areas which are familiar. It would be churlish of me not to explore all areas including Pats cupboard; as with many forbidden fruits I feel drawn to it like a moth a flame.
I fear it’ll be a while before I appraise myself to the customs and rules of your community and frankly will struggle with the many abbreviations which are used in the shorthand language of the chat rooms. I intend to research the acronyms. more thoroughly and have made steady progress which your shown kind remarks allow me to share with you:
Lol means Laughs out loud sharongooner. Helped me with that.
ASL: Automatic speech language
S&M Small and Mobile I think that refers to the motorised chairs you often see people use when shopping in Malls
M/F is obliviously Massey Ferguson a school boys favourite
Lady Boy. A person you may have gay abundant sex with without fear of a resulting pregnancy.

I am so looking forward to the experiences ahead of me, but still get confused. The last time one of those little boxes opened up on my desktop the message asked me a wine related question. Now how the person knew I was a wine expert is beyond me but why else would he ask whether ‘I spat or swallowed’. How spooky was that? do you think I’ve been infiltrated?
By the way I swallow, it would be such a waste not too don’t you think?

A true connosuer (spl?) never wastes a drop :wink:

oh there’s another to add to your list

spl (?)tried to spell it, I know what I meant to say, therefore you must do to :wink:

@forumhostpb wrote:

I really don’t want to delete it Langstraat … frankly it’s a classic of its kind. It ought to stay.

Anyway I’m delighted that you got on so well in that den of iniquity (Forum 3) and that the resident females let you get out of there with your clothes on – they’re a rough load of old slappers in there y’know.

Errrr …………… :shock: Less of the bleedin old if you don’t mind ForumHost sir [-(

@rubyred wrote:

@catz wrote:

Maybe it’s just me but reading between the lines I think Langstraat believes “chatrooms” are a pile of sh|te … correct me if I’m wrong.

WELL NOT REALLY Darling..i taeach 12 -14’s..and i teach special needs..i cant actually be assed ..yes its me as a teacher..my lovely horse..:)

are they affecting you these kids?

Wtf did your post have to do with my post ??