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A fella dashed home and said to his wife come on love pack your bags we have won the pools, come on pack your bags we have won the pools.His wife says what shall i pack? something light, something heavy, where are we going? He said just pack them and f**k off :D
@kent f OBE wrote:
Apologies in advance :lol:
Woman and baby go to the doctors. Doc is concerned about the baby’s weight. “Is he bottle or breast fed?” he asks. “Breast fed” says the woman.
The doctor asks her to strip to the waist, he pinches and sucks her niples and rubs both tits for a while. “No wonder the baby is under weight, you’ve no milk”
“I know” says the woman. “I’m his gran, but I’m fucking glad I came”:lol:
:lol: Christ are Grans really that horNy?
well, ain’t we all different in our sense of humour??
One from the Troubles –
An IRA man turns up the Pearly Gates.
St Peter looks at him in horror. “I’m very sorry, but we will not allow terrorists in here!”
The IRA man looks suprised – “oh no, you’ve got me wrong. I’m not trying to get in. I’m just giving the message that everyone has five minutes to get out”
Ain’t we just, sceptical guy – maybe this one will tickle your fancy?
A husband walks into Victoria’s Secrets to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £250 to £500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the £500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no fool), ‘I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the £500 refund for myself.’
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, ‘Good Grief! You’d think for £500, they’d at least iron it!’
He never heard the shot.
@sceptical guy wrote:
well, ain’t we all different in our sense of humour??
One from the Troubles –
An IRA man turns up the Pearly Gates.
St Peter looks at him in horror. “I’m very sorry, but we will not allow terrorists in here!”
The IRA man looks suprised – “oh no, you’ve got me wrong. I’m not trying to get in. I’m just giving the message that everyone has five minutes to get out”
Another one from those same times. ( and the days of mods and rockers)
Why did the Mods never really catch on in Northern Ireland?
Would u walk around Belfast with a target drawn on your back????
@eve wrote:
@sceptical guy wrote:
well, ain’t we all different in our sense of humour??
One from the Troubles –
An IRA man turns up the Pearly Gates.
St Peter looks at him in horror. “I’m very sorry, but we will not allow terrorists in here!”
The IRA man looks suprised – “oh no, you’ve got me wrong. I’m not trying to get in. I’m just giving the message that everyone has five minutes to get out”
Another one from those same times. ( and the days of mods and rockers)
Why did the Mods never really catch on in Northern Ireland?
Would u walk around Belfast with a target drawn on your back????
That one made me spray coffee over my screen! :lol:
@eve wrote:
@sceptical guy wrote:
well, ain’t we all different in our sense of humour??
One from the Troubles –
An IRA man turns up the Pearly Gates.
St Peter looks at him in horror. “I’m very sorry, but we will not allow terrorists in here!”
The IRA man looks suprised – “oh no, you’ve got me wrong. I’m not trying to get in. I’m just giving the message that everyone has five minutes to get out”
Another one from those same times. ( and the days of mods and rockers)
Why did the Mods never really catch on in Northern Ireland?
Would u walk around Belfast with a target drawn on your back????
=D>
quality
and from a later era…
George Dubya Bush was driving round the plains of Kansas, showing other greats from the past, Bill Clinton and Maggie Thatcher, how wonderful the US of A was, when a tornado, a twister, took hold of the car and whisked it up into the sky.
As the dazed occupants got out, they were confronted by Meryl Streep dressed as the Good Fairy. She informed them that they had landed in the wonderful Land of Oz, and that if they followed the Yellow Brick Road they would meet with a marvellous Wizard who would grant them their secret desire, the one we all, all of us (even thin) carry hidden in our hearts.
So off our intrepid trio set (Meryl looking quizzically at Maggie and seeing an Oscar maybe)and after many wondrous adventures they arrived at the Golden Palace of Oz. There a huge voice boomed out from behind a veil.
“George Dubya, what is the desire you secretly carry in your heart?”
Ol’ George looked bashful, while Maggie was very scornful and Bill just fidgeted and looked around.
“Well, Sir, Your Highness, since you mentioned it” said ol George, “I would like a brain”.
Abracadabra, a miracle occurred and Ol’ George was given a brain, and never started stupid wars or said things like “It must be a budget, it’s got numbers in it” ever, ever again.
“Maggie Thatcher, what is your secret heart’s desire?”
Maggie was no longer scornful, but deeply impressed by seeing Ol’ George get a brain; Bill was just getting more and more restless and fidgety.
“Well, Mr Wizard, I demand a heart” said Maggie.
Abracadabra a miracle occurred, and Mrs Thatcher was given a heart, becoming a Socialist and feeling quite ashamed of having destoryed a Britain where, for all its faults, a lot of people helped one another without being thought of as total idiots.
“Bill Clinton, what is the secret desire you carry in the inmost depths of your heart?”
But Bill wasn’t impressed by the miracles of a brain to Ol’ George and a heart for Maggie. In fact he was turning this way and that, looking most upset, and getting more and more fidgety.
“Sir”, he said politely while looking around, “where’s Dorothy?”
Bill Clinton was a “Friend of Dorothy”??????????????? :shock:
like chameleon with Kenty, he wanted to be a Friend..
but she’s daid to him
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