A Few Jokes

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says “Look, I’ve got a crack”
“No good telling me” replies the male egg “I’m not hard yet”

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an “emergency” appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.
She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.
So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. “I’m sorry, Miss,” he said, “but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation.”
“I’m not sure I can afford it,” sighed the young woman. “But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? “