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Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity..Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shat might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shats on you is your enemy.(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shat is your
friend.(3) And when you’re in deep shat, it’s best to keep
your mouth shut!funny and great morals lol
Timmy was a hard working A-grade student who enjoyed school and was the most mild-mannered child ever.
One day during a lesson the teacher abruptly leaves the class to take an important phone call, she says to her students “now don’t write on the board while I’m gone o.k.”
needless to say the moment she leaves the room the rest of the class leap up and begin writing on the board.
Seeing the amount of fun that his fellow classmates were having, Timmy decided that he would have a go and he wrote “Miss has a penis” on the board.
when the teacher returned from her phone call it was to see Timmy writing on the board. completely shocked by what he had written she sent him to the headmaster’s office.
the headmaster promptly expels Timmy and sends him home.
When he gets home it is to find his father in a fit of rage “what were you thinking of, writing something like that on the black board, get out of my house.”
So having no home, family or future Timmy steps out into the street and gets hits by a bus.Moral of the story… look both ways before crossing the road
Lotty…… have the Aussies stuck a government health warning on you yet?? :-
Was funny though =D>
Remember….. i don’t foookin care
lmao netts ya cheeky foooker no but they dont wont me to stay here ,,,, they kicken me out in november
but i will be back the buggers carnt keep kicken me out can they :lol:Awwww lotty,the nasty foookas xxx …………tell em if they don’t let ya stay,they gonna get kicked up the rissole by the NettySwackered one :twisted:
Remember…..i don’t foookin care
lol netts will do ,,, im guessen if i was chinky china i wouldnt have so much trouble stayen here has they come here in the thousand just to pick fruit and vegg ,,, ffs i not allowed to work ,, lol just the way it goes i guess :?
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