When Girls Drink

1. We Have Absolutely No Idea Where Our Purse Is.

2. We Believe That Dancing With Our Arms Overhead And Wiggling Our
Butt While Yelling “woo-hoo!” Is Truly The Sexiest Dance Move Around.

3. We’ve Suddenly Decided We Want To Kick Someone’s Ass And Honestly Believe We Can Do It.

4. On Our Last Trip To Pee, We Realize We Now Look More Like A Homeless Hooker Than The Goddess We Were Just Four Hours Ago.

5. We Drop Our 3 Am Sandwich On The Floor (which We’re Eating Even
Though We’re Not The Least Bit Hungry), Pick It Up And Carry On Eating
It.

6. We Start Crying And Telling Everyone We See That We Love Them
Sooooo Much.

7. We Get Extremely Excited And Jump Up And Down Every Time A New
Song plays Because “oh My God! We Love That Song!”

8. We’ve Found A Deeper/spiritual Side To The Geek Sitting Next To Us.

9. The Man We’re Flirting With Used To Be Our 5th Grade Teacher.

10. The Urge To Take Off Articles Of Clothing, Stand On A Table And
Sing Or Dance Becomes Strangely Overwhelming.

11. Our Eyes Just Don’t Seem To Want To Stay Open On Their Own So We
Keep Them Half Closed And Think It Looks Exotically Sexy.

12. We’ve Suddenly Taken Up Smoking And Become Really Good At It.

13. We Yell At The Bartender, Who (we Think) Cheated Us By Giving Us
Just Lemonade, But That’s Just Because We Can No Longer Taste The Gin.

14. We Think We’re In Bed, Even Though The Pillow Feels Strangely Like
The Kitchen Floor.

15. We Start Every Conversation With A Booming, “don’t Take This The Wrong Way But…”

16. We Fail To Notice That The Toilet Lid’s Down When We Sit On It.

17. Our Hugs Begin To Resemble Wrestling Take-down Moves.

18. We’re Tired So We Just Sit On The Floor (wherever We Happen To Be)
And Take A Quick Nap.

19. We Begin Leaving The Buttons Open On Our Button Fly Pants To Cut
Down On The Time We’re In The Bathroom Away From Our Drink.