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I was watching that Joan Collins in Footballers Wives the other night and I thought she was looking remarkably sprightly for a woman of 103. The newspapers said she had found ‘THE SECRET OF ETERNAL YOUTH’. I must say she is being very selfish keeping the secret to herself. I could do with the secret of eternal youth, couldn’t you?
I think it would be wonderful to invent a PILL that would not only give us the secret of eternal youth but also protect us from all known diseases including cancer, liver damage, vaginal warts and tennis elbow. Imagine that! One single pill to be taken with your morning cup of tea which would cheer everyone up and stop them feeling miserable all the time! I have decided to invest a great deal of TIME AND EFFORT to work on this. I will probably even work on some Bank Holidays.
Of course, it’s not going to be easy to come up with the recipe for the ‘SECRET OF ETERNAL LIFE’, particularly if Joan isn’t going to tell me the first bit. It will probably be REALLY COMPLEX so, to speed things up, I intend to link a MILLION computers all around the world, including some in HOLLAND and ESTONIA. I don’t intend to tap into anyone’s unused processing power, I just thought I would send everyone an email asking for any bright ideas.
All I need (apart from the recipe and a million computers) is A HUNDRED volunteers to take part in trials. Fifty will be given the ‘secret of life’ pill and fifty will be given ‘sugar-pills’ – harmless substitutes that look remarkably like Extra Strong Mints. In ONE HUNDRED years time, I will call all the volunteers together and set a series of SCIENTIFIC TESTS like making them do a SU DOKU puzzle or the pole vault or something and then we would have a big party with fireworks and nude dancing lovelies and so on.
I think it would be wonderful to be the first to invent the SECRET OF LIFE PILL and I would share it with EVERYONE as long as they had taken part in the trials or were millionaires. Oh and if you are Joan Collins: don’t bother coming round my house asking for the SECRET OF LIFE PILL cos you will just get sent away with a flea in your ear.
lots of nookie keeps you young :lol: its a fact,
and joan colins has had lots aint she :D :Dand secret to eternal youth is a bag of pollyfilla as foundation :lol:
Lots of good ideas there Ruby, particularly liked the pigeon shyte one :)
And I don’t have a brain the size of a 30 bob cabbage – I actually just have a cabbage :(
chilli sauce explains the red hair pic I suppose. I am not allowed near hospitals so I can only imagine what it was like for you ruby. Never mind, you just need to put some Down Rover! on and the Dundee boys will ignore any cabbage and sauce and be all over you like a rash!
@rubyred wrote:
i might even get my hole !!!
/joy!
Guaranteed in Newcastle Ruby. Down Rover! or no Down Rover!
Good one Panic!! I am willing to take part in any tests. :D
I had completely forgotten about Down Rover though. You still selling that? Where can I buy some?
I’ll add your name Greebo and put you down for the real pill but don’t tell anyone.
Ruby was sent all remaining stcoks of Down Rover to help her get her hole (whatever that is).
@panickstricken wrote:
In ONE HUNDRED years time, I will call all the volunteers together and set a series of SCIENTIFIC TESTS like making them do a SU DOKU puzzle
I’d like to volunteer for the tests as I cant even spell soduko or pole vault
either. :wink::D :D :D ffs just sin this thread…………lmfao @30 bob cabbage……an i shudder to think why u aint allowed near hospitals sir!!……..will be gigglin fa rest of mornin now…………….. :lol:
@panickstricken wrote:
I’ll add your name Greebo and put you down for the real pill but don’t tell anyone.
Ruby was sent all remaining stcoks of Down Rover to help her get her hole (whatever that is).
You are a star panic. I look forward to my eternal youth looking like a slightly off cabbage. Oh and also look forward to telling my great, great, great, great grandchildren how tough life was growing up in the 70’s/80’s. The little b*ggers will suffer. I may even have to fling in a war (Falklands methinks) just to make it sound realistic.
@rubyred wrote:
tis true greebs,,the professor sent me his entire stocks as they were in danger of exploding in his lab,,! send me a s.a.e and i will get some to you pronto! they have went a bit foamy and look like a urine sample of a gonnoreah sufferer,,but the looks i get when i am out,,!!! wow !!! i walk into pubs wearing only a thong and get admiring glances,,the girls smirk as they are dead jealous like !! My real life pals wont go out with me anymore,,but its their loss..(shrug)
my perfection,thanks to rover is almost life changing ! and they cant bar me for life,,can they?? jealousy i tell ya !!
Excellent Ruby!! Thank you so much for sparing some of your “Down Rover”. I honestly dont care if I look a bit rabid and fur sprouts out of my clothes, as long as I pull, I’m a happy woman. (I’ve also heard you cant get distemper twice, so that’s good too).
Jealousy is a bad thing. The non Down Rover laydeez need to just learn to live with it.
s.a.e on it’s way to the Down Rover Delectable, Dundee. :D
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