Happy Birthday Dominic

Don’t ask me how I am if you dont want to hear
Of the pain in my heart and the hurt that i feel
In your eyes I can see that the fear is with you
If it were my child what would I do?
Don’t say “life goes on” for it doesn’t for me
For my world has been shattered, why do you not see?
Please don’t say “your other children will make it alright”
It’s not them I call to in the dark of the night
Don’t say that “you must ought and should”
For these words of advice will do me no good
Just be there with your love, comfort me and know
That the road I am travelling has a long way to go
Just listen, cry with me if that’s how you feel
And know that the loss of a child cannot heal
It just gets deeper as time passes by
My outside will smile but my inside will cry……….

Hello Dominic

Its your 12th birthday today sweetheart, but We don’t need a special day to bring you into our thoughts, you have never left them.
It seems like only yesterday I brought you into this world
Your birth was a very emotional one. We had tried for a long time and so hard for you it made mine and your dad’s lives complete. Our baby a little brother for your sister and brother but our first child together, you were so beautiful and perfect with that big mop of dark brown hair and deep dark brown eyes your little button nose, you were always so content, you were quiet, tiny, and helpless.

The day after your birth, we took you to home to granddads where we were staying, we showed you off to most of the family and friends over the next couple of days, the Saturday before Easter Sunday me and your daddy went shopping when we came home you weren’t feeding properly so I called the midwife who checked you over and said you were fine and not to worry, but I just knew something wasn’t right later that night you were really limp and blue around the lips and eyes, when I went to check on you, so we phoned the doctors who sent you straight to hospital. We stayed with you all night preying for you to get well, the next morning the doctors said we need to transfer him to Birmingham by Air ambulance for special tests on his heart, they whisked you away we got in the car and raced to the hospital, your granddad drove like a mad man you arrived at Birmingham within six minutes it took us over 30 mins to arrive.

We were shown straight to ICU were they had you hooked up to loads of machines you were covered in wires and tubes. They found out your heart was badly malformed and they needed to operate straight away they said they didn’t think that you would make it through the operation but you proved them wrong sweetheart you weren’t ready to give up and neither were we, you recovered well from the operation and seemed to be improving but 13 days later you were struggling again your heart just couldn’t cope any longer they said we need to operate again you tried so hard to live but your heart was just to tired, sadly you never made it out of theatre you died aged just 21 days.

Both your daddy and I have never forgiven ourselves, him for not being at the hospital when you died and me for not being in the theatre there with you, which I know is silly but it felt like you died alone without your mum or dad there holding you. They brought you to us after and you just looked like you were sleeping, we held you for ages preying you would just wake up, but you didn’t. We dressed you in the outfit your nana had made for you and then we had to say our farewells

Please remember you have never left our thoughts, we think about you all the time I know you are with your nana. I also know she is looking after you until we can be together again sweetheart, I am just so sorry we didnt get to watch you grow up hear your first words see you take your first steps. we only had three short weeks with you and only 6 days with you before you were took to hospital but in that short space of time you proved you had a stong personality and were a little fighter, Dominic you enriched our lives and made the family pull together you made us all, stronger, different people, you touched the hearts of everyone you met.
My only regret is I wished I had followed my insticts when i knew something wasnt right and took you straight to the hospital, I doubt it would have changed the out come but we will never know now.

A thousand words can’t bring you back,
I know because I have tried.
And neither will a million tears
I know because I have cried.
You left behind my broken heart
and happy memories too.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
angels keep you safe for now
gone from our home but not from our hearts
we will be reunited one day and then never shall part
All my love (Bubbles) Dominic
Love your
Broken Hearted
Mummy
Brothers and Sisters
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