Not Enough Nudity on TV

I can’t understand what has happened to all the lovely NUDE LADIES we used to see on television. I thought that was why the licence fee was introduced – so that people could look at nude dancing lovelies in the comfort of their home without having to hang around outpatients upsetting all the nurses. Despite more and more increases in the licence fee we seem to be getting fewer and fewer nude ladies on the tv screen. Soon there won’t be any nude ladies left in Britain at all and then the Prime Minister will feel the backlash I would imagine. I would imagine he will regret going to church and telling everyone to stop looking at nude ladies all the time.

I am particularly annoyed with Channels 4 and 5 which were set up for the very purpose of showing lots of nude lovelies after the watershed. Picture the scene in an average house ten years ago: All the men in the land settling down in front of a roaring fire with a glass of fine wine waiting expectantly for the clock to strike nine times, remote control in hand ready to flick urgently between Channels 4 and 5 to see which had the most exotic fare on offer (curtains drawn of course) – you don’t see that any more, you only get programmes about sharks or people who’s faces have been bitten off by their beastly old dogs. I suppose the sharks are nude but it’s not the same thrill really, is it?

If I were in charge of the BBC, I would insist on ALL people appearing after 9 o’clock at night being COMPLETELY NUDE unless they were in a ‘hard hat’ area like one of these programmes where they were building a house extension or interviewing John Prescott or something. What is more I would INSIST on all ALL DAY NUDITY ON DIGITAL CHANNELS. They need to start giving the licence payers what they want for heaven’s sake instead of forcing all this reality tv and home improvement rubbish down our throats!

I would like to see that Charlotte Church (a lovely voice) being told to do a nudey lapdance for Princess Anne before the Wales v Scotland match this weekend but I don’t suppose that’s covered by the licence fee – I expect Sky have the rights to show that sort of thing. Those people who work for Sky must get to see lots of naughty things that normal licence fee payers aren’t allowed to see. I would imagine you have to sign the Official Secrets Act before you are allowed to get a job with Sky.