I’m fed up with Broken Bones..

I wish I was RICH. I wish I had lots of money and could buy some shoes with leather soles instead of these cheap synthetic ones which keep slipping on the ice and breaking people’s bones all the time. Leather shoes have special anti-slide properties you see which stick to ice and protect your bones. That’s why you never see any cows slipping about in the fields – because they are completely covered in leather. It must be lovely to be able to go about your normal business without worrying about broken bones all day.

Of course, if I WAS rich, I wouldn’t have to go about my normal business at all. I could pay someone else to go about my normal business for me. That would be nice. “Here’s £5 Mr Stephenson,” I would say, “take these books back to the library and pay all my fines. Keep the change.” Or I could get Mrs Willaby from No. 73 to collect my sausages from the butcher’s shop and treat herself to a nice plump chop while she was at it. It would be good to spread my wealth around – everybody would be very keen to share in my good fortune.

Nobody ever seems very keen to share in my bad fortune, I must say. I’ve never heard Mr Stephenson saying, “I see you have synthetic soles on your shoes, would you like me to return your library books for you?”. Mrs Willaby has never popped a sausage through my letterbox on her way back from town with a note saying “I saw this and thought of you..”

It would be nice if all the people in detached houses or with jobs were made to share their money with people from my part of town. People can start to get miserable if all they have to look forward to is having slightly fewer broken bones as Spring approaches.