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On Monday morning my phone rang with the news that my mother had died, next i proberly should explain my mother left wen i was 4 and i havnt saw her sinse, i remember her a little but have no photos ect so cant really b sure my memory is reliable i for some reason think i remember the smell of her perfume.
So next is the thing i am wondering usually i cry at a sad episode of neighbours and am quite emotional so i cant help but wonder why i’m not crying in a heap in the floor but if anything i feel no real sense of grief and pretty much feel nothing, friends are being really nice but i think they expect me to be in hysterics and i keep wondering if i should fake tears as this may look more normal i feel so guilty like the worst daughter in the world sometimes i truly dont understand ME.
I guess you’ve probably grieved for your Mum before she even died…maybe the 4 year old girl in you did enough grieving way back when….
There’s no right or wrong way to feel.
It might hit you in 6 months, it might never come.Life’s funny like that.
Take care.
@eva licious wrote:
On Monday morning my phone rang with the news that my mother had died, next i proberly should explain my mother left wen i was 4 and i havnt saw her sinse, i remember her a little but have no photos ect so cant really b sure my memory is reliable i for some reason think i remember the smell of her perfume.
So next is the thing i am wondering usually i cry at a sad episode of neighbours and am quite emotional so i cant help but wonder why i’m not crying in a heap in the floor but if anything i feel no real sense of grief and pretty much feel nothing, friends are being really nice but i think they expect me to be in hysterics and i keep wondering if i should fake tears as this may look more normal i feel so guilty like the worst daughter in the world sometimes i truly dont understand ME.
We’ll talk more later honey but for now…
Don’t feel guilty. You hardly knew her and that was through no fault of your own. If I’d learned that a close relative I’d never known had died, I’d feel the same. Feeling like you SHOULD grieve and yet, you can’t.
Just take your time, don’t force yourself and above all else, take care of you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
One day at a time………..go with how you feel on that day. We don’t have to behave like the textbook says.
@eva licious wrote:
On Monday morning my phone rang with the news that my mother had died, next i proberly should explain my mother left wen i was 4 and i havnt saw her sinse, i remember her a little but have no photos ect so cant really b sure my memory is reliable i for some reason think i remember the smell of her perfume.
So next is the thing i am wondering usually i cry at a sad episode of neighbours and am quite emotional so i cant help but wonder why i’m not crying in a heap in the floor but if anything i feel no real sense of grief and pretty much feel nothing, friends are being really nice but i think they expect me to be in hysterics and i keep wondering if i should fake tears as this may look more normal i feel so guilty like the worst daughter in the world sometimes i truly dont understand ME.
This is sad Eva…but i feel a little personal to be put on the boards as you know wot some people are like…but i wish you well.
This may sound hard-nosed but you were mother and daughter in the biological sense only…why would you grieve the death of a virtual stranger? Don’t beat yourself up for not having the feelings that people would normally expect you to have on the death of a parent when she was never really a parent to you.
However remember that as long as the parent is still alive we can hold on to the slimmest hope that one day we might have a relationship with them, even if we aren’t consciously aware of it and that hope lives in our subconscious. Don’t be surprised if at some point you find yourself grieving; you will be grieving the loss of hope for a relationship that could never be rather than for the person themselves though.
My heart goes out to you my darling girl, i myself had a similar experience involving my father and the advice that has been given is right you feel what you feel and this is never wrong. She was your mother and gave you life and of course you feel a great deal of loss, your brain is protecting you from the pain at this time but emotions will hit you like a wave in time, i think you will grieve for what you should have had and now you will never know.
and btw dont let anyone feel bad for what you put on the boards, i felt you put it up because it isnt to personal
all my love and hugs x
@chronicle wrote:
My heart goes out to you my darling girl, i myself had a similar experience involving my father and the advice that has been given is right you feel what you feel and this is never wrong. She was your mother and gave you life and of course you feel a great deal of loss, your brain is protecting you from the pain at this time but emotions will hit you like a wave in time, i think you will grieve for what you should have had and now you will never know.
and btw dont let anyone feel bad for what you put on the boards, i felt you put it up because it isnt to personal
all my love and hugs x
Everyone is entitled to their opinion…as r u my friend!!
You would always disagree with me anyway…but then do i really care???
I think everyone has offered you sound advice.
I don’t know what to say Eva, but like Melody said the advice sounds good….I hope you cope or manage the circumstances you are faced with in a safe way and I hope your friends on these boards helped you. X
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