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For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you:Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like….1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars … Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials .. You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores … Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like . Government Bonds ….. They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12! . Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.Haha Lucy! Loved it… here’s another :P
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.Oh ok, I’ll add the woman one too cause it’s funny and somewhat true…
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.:lol: So true
Loved these
=D>Ha! so funny, loved them both… my husband often sinngs delilah in the shower too… he reckons he is as good as Tom Jones. :D
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