"THE HONEYMOON" Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The following morning everyone was nursing hangovers,

apart from LordLouis who was nursing a very crushed ego and a very sore bottom.

Nice_pies_fem awoke, stroked her furry pillow and sighed,
she had dreamed of David again … Ugly_asa_Moose snored and broke wind and Nice_pies’ head shot off her furry pillow in shock and she groaned at her aching head.

VeryImportantPeanut could hear gentle snoring, he opened one sleepy eye and focused on an enormous Adams Apple. Gulp!!!!
He quietly slid out of the bed and gingerly made his way back to his own room, cringing and walking like John Wayne.

Thick_Slice sighed contentedly, he patted the bottom of his latest conquest and rolled her over for some morning rumpy. Moving in for a smooch he felt the rough stubble and took a better look, there lay Tuna_mary, complete with 5 o’clock shadow, gazing up at him adoringly.

“awww cr@p” he muttered, but never one to miss an oportunity, he grabbed his camera.

After lunch, which consisted of cold oven chips and a sausage roll, everyone made their way to the pool.

Blonde reclined on a lounger,reading Vogue, looking like Jackie Onassis in oversized sunglasses and a sun hat, while Coach_Driver, in Hawian shorts and his pith helmet, fanned her with large banana leaves.

Nice_Pies_Fem had her Eric Morcambe shorts on and was sat at a table, peering down her top, checking for nipple hairs.

Ugly_asa_Moose was hot, she trotted up to the pool and jumped in, all others in the pool were swept out on the small tsunami she caused and most of the water disappeared too.

Knitting_My_Curtains was eating a Magnum whilst jotting down notes in a black book for her soon to be published Biography.
She was going to post it on the boards, her fans deserved it…., whether they liked it or not.
She was halfway through writing it, up to page 3685…..

VeryImportantPeanut was trying to impress the ladies by sauntering around the pool in skimpy swimming trunks.

” I dont need a plastic budgie..” he thought smugly,

The toilet roll trailing out the back of his trunks did earn him plenty of looks.

Clare_Dont_dare_Me and Bornfree_2_poo came clattering around the pool carrying towels, suncream, a few bottles of wine,and 2 straws.

“quick born grab a couple loungers ….”

Bornfree_2_poo dumped her goods on a empty lounger and tipped an unconcious SoonMadcow off another.

They settled themselves down and stuck their straws in their bottles. ” Ahhh bliss…..”

” I’ll just txt my b/f, he’s in the Sahara, teaching camels how to play squash….”

” I need a dump” muttered Born.

Behaving_like_a_pyscho, dressed in his orange babygro, plus nappy, was trying to chat up the receptionist, eve_rything_Other_People_Like_I_Dont_to_be_Different.

” yes..Im writing some short stories, winkwink,” he drooled. Quite a statement considering the blubbering halfwit could barely string a sentence together.

“oh I dont like short stories………” whined the miserable eve_rything……” or wine, or curry, or wearing make-up, or laughing, or handbags, or dogs, or air, or sunshine, or tinkywinky, or pringles or budgies or men or baked beans, or well, anything really…….. But I love Jokecliff”.

All heads turned when the local paramedic team turned up at the hotel steps and hurried inside.

Knitting_My_Curtains slipped her mobility scooter into supersonic mode and whizzed back into the hotel to have a nosey.

“room 69 ” she overheard the dull receptionist tell the paramedics, and she shot into the spare lift, knocking behaving_like_a_pyscho into an ornamental pond filled with empty cans and used condoms but no fish.

On the 3rd floor Knitting_My_Curtains shot out the lift and looked at the room numbers ….

whizzing along the corridor, she looked like a knitted, toilet roll cover on amphetamines, 63….65…67….. she got to room number 69,
the door was ajar and she could hear moaning, she poked her head round the door and looked in amazement at the scene.

Jokecliff and TheDelusionalMrNoNob had been ‘experimenting’….
various empty fizzy drink bottles could be seen,
as well as a tin of Brasso, some plastic windmills and a blow up sheep,and even more strangly…. a lifesize waxwork of Barry White.

Knitting_My_Curtains whipped out her Olympus Trip and snapped some pics, then shot off at warp speed to ‘not tell anyone’ what she’d seen,
unless slightly provoked of course….

Would Jokecliff and NoNob make it onto the plane Home the next day ???……

Would anynone notice that Mad_divint had turned the colour of Ebony and was officially ‘cooked’ ??….

Would Knitting_My_Curtains Spill the beans ??? ….

Would Thick_Slice come out the closet and marry the lovely Tuna ???……

Would Clare_Dont_Dare_Me and Bornfree_2_poo release SoonMadcow, whom they had gaffer taped to the diving board ???…..

Would anyone bother to tell Behaving_LIke_A_Pyscho he had a used condom stuck to the back of his head ???…..

Well ???? Would they ???

To be continued…..