"THE HONEYMOON" Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The first act of the night appeared when the stage curtains opened.

A drag Act, new to the circuit.

In a long cream sequined number with a slit up to the thigh, high strappy sandals,

a shocking pink Feather Boa and plastered in makeup… QueenB_of_Orange was strutting around the stage, belting out ” I will survive…oh as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay aliveeee…..”

She carefully descended the stairs and slinked around the tables.
Spotting VeryImportantPeanut she made a B-line for him !! She wrapped the feather boa around his neck and pulled his head toward her cleavage.

VeryImportantPeanut felt his Union Jack shorts tightening, which was highly embarrassing as he thought it was a bloke !!

As she was nearing the end of her song QueenB_of_Orange made her way back up the steps of the stage but slipped on the last on.

A ripping sound was heard and her sexy dress slit tore up to her armpit, she gathered herself together as best she could, to finish caterwauling out her last lyrics …
” I willlll Surviveeeeee…….!!!!” with a flourish,
unaware that her feather boa had got stuck to her scarlet lipstick and she looked like she’d just eaten a pink budgie !!

The audience clapped out of pity mainly, apart from Clare_Dont_Dare_me who shouted
” show us ya cockatoo Tango !!”

The lights went up to reveal that Nice_pies_fem had downed her first jug of Sangria,

and was slowly sinking into her ‘David Tennant is A God’ T shirt and drooling.

Back in their Dressing room, LordLouisSpenceCharles,The Dummy, ( formerly known as wagner) was getting into his costume.

He felt a bit itchy down below and pulled his Y fronts out to take a look….

” I thay ThuboQ, I think Thome bugger hath been ferkin’ with me merkin !!” and he whipped it out !!

Back in the Lizard Lounge Thick_Slice smiled contentedly and tapped his pocket which contained the packet of ‘itching powder’

LordLouis and SuboQ made their way onto the stage, SuboQ sat on her re-inforced chair and bent down to pick LordLouis up by his glued on Thunderbird wig, then she placed him on her lap and rammed her arm up his arse.

LordLouis Squealed like a 5 yr old girl. ” Goth Thubo, warn me next time pleathe… “

The lights dimmed again and the Curtains opened. LordLouisSpenceCharles took a deep breath and was just about to Launch into his version of ” my my my. delilahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”,

when there was a loud scraping noise. Thick_Slice pushed his chair back noisily and slowly walked across the front of the room and over to the bar…

LordLouis grrrrr’d …

He tried again …

” my my my Delilahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

Thick_Slice walked back across the front of the room, coughing, and blocking everybodies view.

LordLouis grrrrrrrrrr’d louder…

” why why whyyy Delilahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..”

A tomato hit him in the face …..

” Enough ith enough !!!!” shouted LordLouis ..jumping down off SuboQ’s knee.

He grabbed his man-bag and swung it round over his head then let it fly, were it wrapped around Thicks_Slice neck. LordLouis then jumped off the stage,
ran across to Thick_Slice, he jumped and punched Thick in the budgie !!, then started biting him on the kneecap.

Thick bent down and picked LOrdLouis up by his wig and held him out at arms length, then drop kicked him.

Poor little LordLouisSpenceCharles, flew through the air, like a glittery turd off a shovel,

landing on Knitting_My_Curtains, who promptly clasped him to her massive bosom and patted him on his wig.

” there there… ignore him, here have a bananaaaaaa !!” and she stuffed a large banana in his huge mouth, sideways !”

” thank god for that” muttered Blonde, who was now enjoying a ‘slow screws againt the wall’ with Coach_Driver.

SuboQ wasnt sure what to do so she stood up, and wobbled off the stage, taking the chair, wedged on her bottom, with her !!

The audience, thinking it was a comedy act, laughed and clapped loudly.

Thick_Slice decided to hit the town and find a woman worthy of him and wandered off singing…..

” Apenis, Apenis … the greatest thing I Don’t possess…. I thank the Lord that ive been blessed, with less than my share of ….Apenis ……”

Good Old Doddy !!

To be Continued……