"THE WEDDING" Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The inmates made their way into the village hall where the reception was being held and admired the black and white theme chosen ( by jimmy ),

Balloons and bunting everywhere, plus a large poster of Alan Shearer.

Cele’o’Tape and Jimmy_ohmygodwhathaveidone made a very handsome couple,

cele in silver lame and jimmy in a duck egg blue kilt.

Angelbust_likebuckets as ‘Mother of the Bride’ was beaming with pride, in her fake fur full length skirt and matching vest top.

They greeted their guests.

Soon the music started and a few inmates were on the dance floor.

Thick_Slice was busting some moves with Looby_needs_the_loo and trying to look down her cleavge.

Teacosyhat_male glared at him from the other side of the room.

Wagner and SuboQ had been booked to do a turn later, and everyone was very excited !!

Hettie trundled to a stop outside the village hall, Alkiarse jumped out, followed by Quirky_Stench,

Jokecliff was trying to make a dignified decline from hettie, in his whitelace with 6ft train.

Unfortunately Quirky slammed the caravette door shut before all the train was out, and as Jokecliff strode to the hall, there was a ripping sound, and the back, bottom half of his mothers old wedding dress stayed attached to the door.

Jokecliff was unaware of this mishap, and alkiarse and Quirky decided in order to stay alive ,to not mention it, and followed Jokecliff into the hall, giggling at the sight of his bare assed spotty buttocks, stockings, suspenders, and Gum Boots.

The 2 and a 1/2 wise monkeys entered the village hall, and jimmy_ohmygodwhathaveidone graciously handed them a glass of NewcyBrown Ale.

” Mingle…” muttered Jokecliff to Quirky and Alkiarse, ” and try not to draw attention to ya’self…” and he strode off, flicking his long jet black wig hair over his shoulder, hairy buttocks wobbling 90 to the dozen…

Angelbust_likeBuckets announced that the ‘Buffet’ was open, then dived out the way as Merrymoron came hurtling towards her like Bull Elephant after the last peanut.

Everyone shuffled towards the buffet table, except PennyForAGuy,who dusted a chair down with her hanky, sat down and started on her M&S nibbles.

Thick_Slice was feeding looby_needs_The_Loo chunks of pineapple on cocktail sticks, and Teacosyhat_male could take it no longer.

He picked up a rock cake and lobbed it at Thicks head. Thick_Slice just happened to bend to tie his shoelace at that point, and the rock cake sailed over him and hit SoonMadcow full in the face. Clare_dont_Dare_me giggled and SoonMadcow was livid,
she picked up a pork pie and chucked it at Clare, her aim was way off and it soared through the air landing down Mad_Divint_Fook_aboot’s cleavage.

Jimmy, to celes dismay, yelled “FOOD FIGHT” and joined in …

Pies, tarts and butties flew across the room.

Nice_Pies_Fem quickley grabbed the gateau and two spoons and hid under a table with Ugly_asa_Moose.

It was at this point that Wagner and SuboQ had decided to make their grand entrance. Wagner minced across the stage, looking like Louis Spence’s Dad, with SuboQ following close behind ( what a surprise ), they were just about to launch into a Rap version of Nessun Dorma, when a large fruit tart flew threw the air and knocked Wagners wig clean off,revealing
a few odd wispy strands of white hair.
SuboQ looked suitably shocked !!

Jokecliff noticed that that Behaving_LikeaPyscho was coming out of his stupor and
surreptitiously shoved an orange in his mouth, pulled the baby bonnet down to BP’s chin and wandered off.

Alkiarse had Blonde pinned in the corner and was drooling on her best brogues.

“would you like a small sherry gorgeous ” he asked…

” Good Lord no , go away you horrible little man “

Alkiarse intepreted this as ‘I Love You’ and sat on Blondes knee, trying to run his fingers through her iron set hair.

Tuna_mary was trying to chat-up VeryImportantPeanut, who was nervously backing away. Rumour had it that they had discovered skeletons in Tuna’s basement, including those of MaxBallroom and Jakethepeg45…

Suddenly, there was a loud crash !!!!

Everyone stopped in their tracks …

To be continued……