"Stalking The Moors in a Dirty Mac" – A Novelette

A Short Novelette

High on the Lonely Yorkshire Moors…. The wind rattled the broken old windows and howled round the hovel,
The damp fetid smell was overpowering.

Jokecliff sat waiting for his Cathy fromWales to log on.

He dug his gnarled old hands into the pocket of his moth eaten cardigan and brought out his pack of Senior Service.

Placing a cigarette in his mouth that housed only 3 yellow teeth,
like ancient tombstones…he dragged deeply and broodingly.

He was ready. He was always ready!, the servers were up and running.
It was a Tuesday so he was wearing the Blonde wig, ( his personal favourite ).

Jokecliff let his ash drop onto his stained and crusty trousers and glanced at the chair, gently rocking in the corner,

” Mummy has’nt eaten her rusks again ” he thought.

They would soon join the piles of rotting plates of untouched food, mounting up on the floor.

Jokecliff turned his attention back to the flickering computer screen infront of him,
his claw like finger gently stroked the spacebar…

” Who shall I be…hmmmm….”
. Decision made he hit the ‘enter’ key and bam, there he was, KING of his WORLD !!!!!

‘Farmer with 2 acres’ entered the lobby and looked round. Yes they were all there, the common harlots, how he hated them.

Mummy had warned him about the evils of women.

There was Blonde. He growled under his rancid breath.

” Shes nothing, a nobody, how dare she not bend to his will…”
It was so much easier with the dim women, they were grateful for any attention.

Jokecliff opened a file and re- read all his rejection pm’s. He didnt know why he saved them,
it was like torture but he couldnt stop himself, there were hundreds and hundreds.

Turning on his swivel chair he shouted at the rocking chair …
” whyyyyyy Mummyyyyyy ??? whyyyy oh whyyyyyy wont they love me ????

Ive trimmed my nostril and ear hair… I even bathed last month…. its not fair !!!! ” he wailed.

Jokecliff turned his attention back to the Lobby. In came Thick slice. Joke watched all the ladies fawning over him,
” dam him, what has he got that i have’nt got, apart from hair and teeth !!”

Jokecliff would like to say nasty things to Thick Slice…but he was a bit scared, infact most men scared him, it was much easier insulting women, it made him feel big and hard, which is quite difficult when you are a 5’1” and 68.

Jokecliff was becoming frustrated, his Cathy Fromwales had not yet logged on,
he spat on the floor and started pm’ing random chatters with Blondes mobile number.

Jokecliff got up and kicked an empty tizer bottle at the dog, ” hmmmmm a trip to jays gym is in order i think ..”

He looked at his antique caravanette wondering if it would stand the journey to Bolton then went to pack his wigs….

To Be Continued……