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this is probably going to split the camp, even to maybe splitting the sexes lol, but, i think that some hard cold old fashioned straight talking is long overdue. too many people are so quick to judge others, so quick to label so called ‘wrong doing’ thing is , as many of you know things are not just ‘black or white’
ive chosen fidelity as a subject because of the many many accusations, hurt, guilt trips that have been handed out to people over the years.
first and foremost , no one is perfect, oh sure, you may think you are but youre not.
this is about no one in particular, its a kind of thought provoking post i hope that many will give sensible replies to after thinking bout it, as well as the usual crank posts we always get in here lol.
now , to the subject, i can only speak for myself, although over the years i have spoken to many many folk who are just so afraid to move out of their comfort zones, sitting in unhappy marriages, usually no physical or staying together ‘just for the kids’
my own case i stayed ‘together’ because he was ‘ill’ and you know how it ended? it ended us both making each other miserable until a day we could barely speak to each other, oh ive worked it out now of course and things are amicable and both our lives seperately are okayish. thing is tho, im now of an age where i cant start my life again as such, or at least it could be who knows, and to be honest the only advice i can give to anyone is, that any relationship that makes you more unhappy than happy then ditch it (on reflection i think that some amount of working it out should be done if poss)
to those of you setting out in new relationships is never ever lose sight of each other, lose sight of the reason you got together in the first place, however during the time that you are bringing up the kids and working and coping with all the trials and tribulations make time for yourselves.
loyalty is a funny thing, i like to think im loyal but on reflection , looking back to be perfectly honest if i had my time again? oh, i would jump so much earlier, i wouldnt have hung around – harsh? maybe, im not a hard person tho, but, i think, what this post is saying ultimately is, grab what happiness you can, while you can, oh dont go hurting folk any more than you have to, im not on about being totally ruthless, what i am on about is be true to you, after all its your life, and it can be very very short.
dont spend time with people you dont like , they bring you down, dont waste your energies on hate, its such a negative emotion.
gets down off soap box and waits for the good, the bad, and the ugly lol x
Cath, you never cease to amaze me, I adore you, you are a wonderful woman xx
I think you hit the nail on the head with your post, and for me it meant a lot :)
@nemesis wrote:
Cath, you never cease to amaze me, I adore you, you are a wonderful woman xx
I think you hit the nail on the head with your post, and for me it meant a lot :)
life nemesis is not easy , no one said it would be, thing is, we make so many mistakes and its take me 61 years to realise that sometimes its not so bad if a person thinks of themselves once in a while, misguided loyalties can be so soul destroying, at the same time neither am i advocating that folk ‘jump’ at the first sign of probs, of course some things can be worked out, what i am saying tho is dont be so quick to judge and , if the last candle for thoe other person in your life has truly gone out , then do something if you can, its your life at the end of the day.
Sure I get that, but it`s never simple, there are sometimes other people to consider…. children. They may be a shyte spouse but brilliant parent, and if things are bearable at home then isn`t it selfish to chase your own desires?
That said, who would deny a chance of happiness?@nemesis wrote:
Sure I get that, but it`s never simple, there are sometimes other people to consider…. children. They may be a shyte spouse but brilliant parent, and if things are bearable at home then isn`t it selfish to chase your own desires?
That said, who would deny a chance of happiness?sounds like to me tho nem that the last ‘candle’ hasnt been blown out, theres a difference hun, the last ‘candle’ for me was blown out more than once but i was too blind to see it, oh of course folk should try, im not about just jumping ship the first or the second time of trouble what i am saying after trying, weighing it up etc etc then make the decision, what i am onna bout is folk living togehter when theres no hope, just for family ad kids, but, at the same time just because i have an opinion, it doesnt necessarily mean its the right one, funny lil human beings we are hun, its personal choice and free will , no one , but no one should dictate what another does, oh apart from the legalities lol, u know what i mean, each case is unique, each person is unique, im not advocating everyone who is unhappy should split, im just saying, take a long hard look and do whats right for you xxxx
i married my childhood sweetheart and was married 20 years and was never unfaithful and would never have even dreamed of being, i hadnt the time or inclination too busy bringing my 2 chilldren up, then he rocked my world and went off with my best friend. I have a big big issue with trust i trust no one. I lost my husband and best friend in one swoop. It took me 10 years to speak to him again. I know the pain of infedelity first hand , you never ever get over it …only learn to live with it like death almost.
@martini-mix wrote:
i married my childhood sweetheart and was married 20 years and was never unfaithful and would never have even dreamed of being, i hadnt the time or inclination too busy bringing my 2 chilldren up, then he rocked my world and went off with my best friend. I have a big big issue with trust i trust no one. I lost my husband and best friend in one swoop. It took me 10 years to speak to him again. I know the pain of infedelity first hand , you never ever get over it …only learn to live with it like death almost.
I stuck my marriage out till my youngest went to kindergarten – then I chucked him out – not cos of infidelity, because there was no love left between us. I sometimes wonder whether I did the right thing or not, but it took my son 7 months to realise he wasn’t at home, think that just about sums it up!
I went to the school’s phychologist to ask what should I do, she said there is no ‘good’ time to split with a partner where kids are concerned, but if you are unhappy they will pick up on it. So I did it when they were young.
I now have a very loving husband of whom the kids adore, so I do think I made the right decision. :D
@martini-mix wrote:
i married my childhood sweetheart and was married 20 years and was never unfaithful and would never have even dreamed of being, i hadnt the time or inclination too busy bringing my 2 chilldren up, then he rocked my world and went off with my best friend. I have a big big issue with trust i trust no one. I lost my husband and best friend in one swoop. It took me 10 years to speak to him again. I know the pain of infedelity first hand , you never ever get over it …only learn to live with it like death almost.
On reflection perhaps infidelity was the wrong choice of title, perhaps another title would have been more appropriate, mainly because i dont think im advocating infidelity as such, more like if its broken then recognise it and remember that you count too? Im probably not putting this very well but i think you may get the gist of it.
People often say there is no love left. Thats why they split. Then on the other hand lots often say you can never stop loving someone, you dislike them but not don’t love them. So which one is it?
I know in lots of splits there are other factors. Abuse maybe, financial stress maybe. It takes a while to fall in love with someone. Somtimes we think we are in love with them when actually some time down the line when you do fall in love you realise its now.
Falling out of love with someone you once loved happens over time. You begin to dislike what they are doing or becoming, then you possibly start hating them. Do you actually fall out of love? I don’t think you can. Takes a while to fall in love its very special. Once you loved someone you will have loved them and there will always be a place in your heart for them. Anyone who has a split will often think back to the good times. Then that feeling and a skip of a heartbeat comes back, even though you came out the other end through rough times.
I think if you have fallen out of love with someone, you never really loved them in the first place.
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