53 secrets girls don’t want guys to know

But probably secretly DO want us men to know.. :lol:

Yes – That’s right.. YOU WOMEN have been exposed..

53 secrets girls don’t want guys to know

Ask us what women are thinking, and we can trot out any number of things. “Don’t knock babbling, it’s a sign that we fancy you,” for example. Or: “Give us stubble burn once and we may never kiss you again.”

But those are the things that we wish men knew. The really telling thoughts are the ones that we don’t want men to know. Especially the men that we’re sleeping with – or wish we were sleeping with.

Deep in this innermost vault of secrecy lie our feelings about our exes, your exes, our bodies, your bodies… and our feelings at the end of a date or the start of a relationship. This is top-secret, high-octane stuff. In the wrong hands, it could be extremely dangerous. Read on if you think you’re hard enough.

1. When we get whistled at in the street, we feel uncomfortable and we’ll always tut and roll our eyes. But we’re awesomely flattered and we’d be gutted if it stopped.

(EXACTLY – AND THAT’S WHY US MEN STILL CARRY ON)

2. We will never grow out of our fascination with pop stars. A guy can be completely ordinary-looking, but we will fancy him if he’s in a band.

(BRILL – JUST JOINED A JAZZ BAND)

3. We are more likely to fancy a guy if his ex-girlfriends are really pretty.

(DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT MY DATE WITH CHERYL COLE?)

4. We can be put off a guy by finding out that his ex-girlfriends are a bit ugly.

(HOPE NO-ONE EVER MENTIONS MY DATE WITH FAT SALLY FROM MATALAN)

5. When we look through your Facebook photos, we’re looking to see how pretty or ugly your ex-girlfriends are.

(I KEEP ALL MY PHOTOS HIDDEN HAHA) :lol:

6. We look through your Facebook photos a lot, and we really hope that you haven’t downloaded anything that reveals who looks at them the most.

7. Here’s how to make us fall for you. One day, come on to us so strong that we’re a bit weirded out by it. Then totally fail to ring us. We’ll wonder what we did wrong, and we won’t be able to stop thinking about you.

(HOW DOES A MONTH OR TWO SOUND?)

8. The above strategy isn’t foolproof. We may just lose interest. It depends on how much we liked you in the first place.

(HOW DOES A DAY SOUND?) :lol:

9. We often don’t know how much we liked you in the first place. We may have to wait until you don’t phone us. If we’re disappointed, it proves that we fancy you. If we’re not, it proves that we don’t. It’s like when you toss a coin to help you make a decision.

10. Stop trying to understand how our minds work. Even we don’t understand how our minds work.

(I AINT SAYING A THING)

11. We constantly change our minds and reserve the right to do so.

(THAT’S COOL, BUT SOMETIMES, TRY TELLING US MEN WHEN YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR FEKKING MIND) HAHAHA

12. We love getting a missed call from you. It makes us feel in control.

(CAN’T SEE WHY – IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE WE MIS-DIALLED)

13. The pleasure of noticing a missed call doesn’t last long. We never know how soon to ring back, and it does our heads in.

(CAN’T FEKKING WIN)

14. We are constantly scared of putting you off by seeming too keen.

(OK – SO I’LL NOT TURN UP NAKED ON THE FIRST DATE)

15. We are constantly scared of putting you off by not seeming keen enough.

(BLOW-JOB WILL SEE TO THAT)

16. We will never discuss this with you because we are constantly scared of putting you off by bringing “us” up in conversation.

(YOU BRING EVERYTHING ELSE UP)

17. “I’m scared of being hurt” means “I don’t fancy you as much as I thought I did.” You know it, we know it, and that is all that will be said on the matter.

(WITH A FACE LIKE THAT – I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’VE BEEN HURT ENOUGH)

18. We say “we’re not manipulative” because we’re really good at being manipulative.

(TOO TRUE)

19. We only manipulate your feelings because you manipulated our feelings first.

(TYPICAL – BLAME THE MAN)

20. Snoring costs you sex.

(EVERYTHING COSTS US MEN S E X, YOU OWN THE F A N N Y AND YOU MAKE US KNOW IT TOO)

21. Your feet disgust us.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THOUGH, MEN WITH BIG FEET…)

22. We shave our toes.

(TRY SHAVING THE MOUSTACHE YOU THINK NO-ONE REALISES YOU HAVE)

23. We’ve got a rogue hair that needs regular plucking.

(YOU NEED FU CK ING?) (OH NO, SORRY I MIS-READ THAT)

24. We went through a phase of shaving our moustache.

(HAHAHAHA SEE – MOST WOMEN I KNOW DON’T REALISE THAT TOM SELLECKS MOUSTACHE IS BUM-FLUFF COMPARED TO THEIRS)

25. We leave our legs unshaven on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you.

26. We wear big knickers on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you.

(SURE IT’S JUST COS YOU AREN’T A BIG PERSON?)

27. We spend entire first dates fancying the pants off you and worrying that we’ll end up in bed with you, all unshaven legs and big knickers.

(US MEN DON’T CARE BOUT THAT – WE JUST WANT TO GET LAID)

28. We don’t actually care that much about the loo seat.

(I KNOW – I LEAVE IT UP AS A COURTESY THING, AND THEY FEKKING PUT IT DOWN) :lol:

29. We suspect that you like our bodies more when we’re carrying a few extra pounds, but we always feel better about ourselves when we lose weight. However we hate that our boobs look deflated, and we’re disgusted by the injustice of it.

30. We envy you for being able to eat more than us and not get fat. By “envy” we mean “occasionally hate.”

(I’LL REMEMBER THAT – I’LL ORDER EVERY FU C KING THING ON THE MENU, WHILST YOU TUCK INTO THAT SALAD)

31. If a grown-up woman has light blonde hair, she’s bleaching it*. You can tell that a woman is a natural blonde from her mousey eyebrows. (* OK, or she’s Scandinavian.)

(I’VE DYED MY HAIR – SO THAT’S OK)

32. We trim our nose-hair.

(I’M LOST WITHOUT A NOSE-HAIR TRIMMER IT’S ONE OF THOSE POINTLESS THINGS YOU DON’T NEED – BUT DO NEED)

33. Yes we’ve got nice eyes, blah blah. Boring. We are desperate for you to compliment our skin and our necks.

(YOUR SKIN LOOKS ERM – ERM – AS IF IT HAS OIL OF ULAY ON IT)

34. We are even more desperate for you to write poems about us.

(THAT’S GREAT – THERE WAS A WOMAN CALLED ANNIE – YOU SHOULD SEE THE SIZE OF..)

35. When we’re at a party we clock the sexy girls far quicker than we clock the sexy guys.

(THAT’S COOL – YOU’RE JUST LOOKING FOR THE ONES WE’LL PROBABLY BE EYEING UP WHEN YOU NIP TO POWDER YOUR NOSE)

36. We find female strippers sexier than male strippers. But that doesn’t mean we want to snog any of them.

(WE DO)

37. However we do wish we were gay sometimes, if only to get oral sex from someone who really knows what they’re doing.

(BI T CH)

38. Size does matter, fellas.

(WE KNOW, BUT IT’S OK, THERE’S ALWAYS THE ATKINS DIET HAHAHA)

39. What you do with it matters even more.

(I WAVE IT ABOUT AT BUS STOPS) (I KNOW – IMPRESSIVE)

40. What you do with your tongue matters most of all.

(WELL, WE DON’T – YOU WON’T LET US GET A FEKKING WORD IN EDGE WAYS)

41. We’re really scared that you’ll feel our back zits.

42. During breakouts we get up at 6am and cover our spots with concealer while you’re sleeping.

(LOL I USED TO THINK THEY WERE SECRETLY TEXTING SOMEONE ELSE OR SUMMAT)

43. We don’t want you to stay for breakfast. We want you to leave immediately so that you don’t have time to register how dog-rough we look in the morning.

44. We want you to text us from your journey home to say how you can’t stop smiling.

(HI – CAN’T STOP SMILING – SEEN THIS GORGEOUS WOMAN JUST A SEC AGO)

45. If you don’t text or call within 24 hours we’ll feel so unhappy that no amount of chocolate and wine can cheer us up. Though we’ll give it a try.

(GIVING YOU TIME TO GOSSIP BOUT IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS)

46. We’d happily sleep with your best mate to make you jealous.

(SO WOULD I) (NOT SLEEP WITH MY BEST MATE TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN FFS)

47. We’re scared of commitment too.

48. If you’re not very well endowed, your girlfriend won’t tell her friends. She’s as embarrassed about it as you are. However if you dump her, she’ll tell everyone.

(HOW DO I SILENCE A WOMAN?) :lol:

49. We fake orgasms so that you’ll stop and let us go to sleep.

50. We aren’t always sure when we’re faking it. In orgasms, the line between fact and fiction can be very thin.

(JUST MOAN – WHETHER YOU’RE FAKING IT OR NOT, I AINT LISTENING)

51. We love falling asleep in your arms, for the first few weeks of a relationship anyway. To be honest we’d sleep a lot better if you weren’t there.

(SO WOULD WE, YOU DUVET HOGGING HYPOCRITES)

52. We find your dark-coloured bedsheets a total turn-off.

(WELL – WASH THEM THEN) :shock:

53. We’re all little girls inside. You make us cry far more easily than you realise.