WooHoos Christmas Eve..

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Land
Everything was Christmassy, aye it were grand.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The drunks were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of cider just danced in their heads.
And Old Mildred in her ‘Bloomers, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open her bloomers and slid up her Gash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Funny Old Man, and eight Dwarfy like queer.

And The little old weirdo, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he wanted my di ck.
More rapid than eagles and kinda like rats,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them all tw ats!

“Bum -Basher! And, Mincer! now, Ponsy and Jim!
Oh, Blow-It! Oh, Stupid! oh Fudge-Packer and Tim!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now Thrash away! Thrash away! stop tugging my balls!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and that weirdo too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little Poof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
My Back-side was grabbed, i was flung to the ground.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his Toe,
He said, “You’re my bi tch now”, and I said “Oh No”..
A bundle of rubbers he pulled out of his sack,
And he looked like a druggie, who’d just had some crack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, he wanted my cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the colour of his juice was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And his tongue it was trying to encircle my wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
He then let one rip, by jesus t’was smelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old Tw it,
And I laughed when I saw him, removing his kit!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had plenty dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And he talked to me dirty, then cum with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a wave,
And told me to not go to cops to be brave.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas WooHooooo, Hope you had a Good night!”

Twas the Night before Christmas Poem