Installing a husband?

Subject: INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the
flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as

* Romance 9.5 and
* Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as

* PS 3.0 ,
* Wii 1 .0 and
* Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

* Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind

* Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
* Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

* If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

* Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the
F*rting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of
all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program .These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend

* Cooking 3.0 and
* Hot Lingerie 7.7. 8)