Sad but possibly true

A very disheveled, unattractive, profoundly obese, smelly, mean acting, nasty in EVERY sense of the word, woman, walks into ASDA with her two kids in tow.
As she grabs a cart, the ASDA Greeter, asks, “Are they twins”?
“No,” the woman snarls, “the oldest one, he’s nine, and, the younger one, she’s seven. Why, do you think they really look alike?”
“No”, replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got Laid twice!!”

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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a policewoman, who was also blonde.
The blonde officer asked to see the blonde driver’s License.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked.
“It’s square and it has your picture on it,” replied the policewoman.
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”