when will you lot learn?

Now how many times have you lot been told that there are real people behind these computor screens? People with real feelings, one of them being UK pilot. In an effort to make you lot take it a little easier on the poor man, i would like to to tell you something of this mans life, what it is like to be him… poor man *goes off looking for pete to illustrate story* ;)

Uk Pilot was a milkman, but his lifelong dream was to fly. When he graduated from milkman’s school (this is relevant as being a milkman you come into contact with all sorts of wanton scantily clad women) ,he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.

Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. So when he finally left the service, he had to satisfy himself with watching others fly the fighter jets that criss-crossed the skies over his backyard. As he sat there in his milk float, he dreamed about the magic of flying.

Then one day, uk pilot got an idea. He went down to the local army-navy surplus store and bought a tank of helium and forty-five weather balloons. These were not your brightly coloured party balloons; these were heave-duty spheres measuring more than four feet across when fully inflated.

Back in his garden, UK pilot used straps to attach the balloons to his garden chair, the kind you might have in your own back garden. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his milk float and inflated the balloons with helium.

Then he packed some sandwiches and drinks and loaded a BB gun, figuring he could pop a few of those balloons when it was time to return to earth. His preparations complete, UK Pilot sat in his chair and cut the anchoring cord. His plan was to lazily float back down to terra firma. But things didn’t quite work out that way.

When UK pilot cut the cord, he didn’t float lazily up; he shot up as if fired from a cannon! Nor did he go up a couple hundred feet. He climbed and climbed until he finally levelled off at eleven thousand feet! At that height, he could hardly risk deflating any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really experience flying! So he stayed up there, sailing around for fourteen hours, totally at a loss as to how to get down.

Eventually, UK pilot drifted into the approach corridor for Heathrow International Airport.
A British airways pilot radioed the tower about passing a guy in a lawn chair at eleven thousand feet with a gun in his lap. (Now there’s a conversation I’d have enjoyed hearing!)
Uk Pilot floated right to the edge of the ocean, and you may know that at nightfall, the winds on the coast begin to change.

So, as dusk fell, UK pilot began drifting out to sea. At that point, the Navy dispatched a helicopter to rescue him. But the rescue team had a hard time getting to him, because the draft from their propeller kept pushing his homemade contraption farther and farther away. Eventually they were able to hover over him and drop a rescue line with which they gradually hauled him back to earth.

As soon as Uk pilot hit the ground, he was arrested. But as he was being led away in handcuffs, a television reported called out, “UK pilot, why’d you do it?” UK Pilot, stopped, eyed the man, then replied nonchalantly, “A man can’t just sit around.”

On his release from jail having received computer lessons whilst inside, UK pilot returned home and found a little airport called Just Chat, and very soon realised that he could fly to his hearts content………………..